Interfaith Marriages: What Young Dharmists Should Know, by Dr. Dilip Amin
Introduction by Stephen Knapp: I want to thank Dr. Dilip Amin for putting this thoughtful information together. Interfaith marriages are becoming an increasingly important topic among Dharmic parents. Personally, when it comes to interfaith marriages, I have seen only a few of them really work out. When a Hindu marries someone of another religion, often the spouse who is Muslim or Christian expects the Hindu to immediately or eventually convert. This may be due to a number of factors that are not always obvious at the beginning of the marriage, such a family pressure, or the birth of children, etc. This is especially the case when a Hindu girl marries an Abrahamic spouse. Even if the spouse does not expect conversion, then at least the children are expected to be raised to become Christians or Muslims. Rarely is this otherwise. Even if the children are exposed to both religions and left to make their own decisions about which religion to follow, it is generally found that within one, two, or at most three generations, that family is no longer connected to the Vedic tradition.
However, I have seen marriages work out nicely when, for example, a converted western Hindu male or Dharmist marries an Indian Hindu female, or vice versa, and plan to raise their children in the Vedic tradition. Or even when two converted Hindus marry each other. But when a Dharmic follower marries a person of the Abrahamic faith, the future can be turbulent with unexpected consequences and problems, especially when children are born. Therefore, I do not advise anyone who wants to make sure their family continues in the Dharmic tradition to enter into an interfaith marriage. You simply cannot be sure of what is going to happen and much heartbreak and turmoil can result. The following two articles below by Dr. Dilip Amin will make this clearer.
Part I
Now more and more young people are engaging in interfaith relationships leading to marriage, many times without realizing the complexities associated with their decision. This message will help Dharmic (Hindu, Jain, Sikh, and Buddhist) young adults make more informed decisions before committing to marry a person of the Abrahamic faiths (Christian, Jew, and Muslim).
As the former president of a Balvihar, I only regret one point of our collective inaction: though we had taught our kids about our religion, we failed to teach them the practical aspects of interacting with young people from other faiths. In the Western world, it is quite common that young adults date those from other faiths during their college years, therefore it should come as no surprise that about a third of our young generation of Hindus, Jains, Sikhs, and Buddhists marry a person from outside of these Dharmic faith traditions (http://www.prlog.org/10139529).
In almost all cases where a non-Dharmic life partner is selected, the decision is made by our young adults without pre-emptive advice, guidance, or consultation with their parents. As cited in this article, religious differences could bring complexities in their married life, starting with an unintended religious conversion of Dharmic and their progeny to the faith of their intended spouse. Further, divorce rates in interfaith marriages are double compared to within the same faith marriages (http://www.religioustolerance.org/ifm_divo.htm). For these reasons, it is increasingly important for our young adults to understand potential complications before entering into a serious relationship, ideally during the years in which they still reside under their parents’ roofs.
While interfaith relationships should develop based on a mutual respect for religious diversity, sometimes major differences in fundamental beliefs(http://www.religioustolerance.org/ifm_bibl.htm); (http://www.zawaj.com/articles/interfaith_marriage_iv.html) pose difficulties in finding a common ground.
Dharmics carry this tolerant attitude that all faiths help you attain God, and everyone should respect not only their own religion, but other religions as well. But this tolerant attitude is not universal. Many families belonging to Christianity, Islam, and Judaism (Abrahamic) believe in the supremacy of their monotheistic dogma. Their holy books reject what they consider polytheistic beliefs of Dharma. For example, Hindus believe that although the Ultimate Reality can be worshiped in many forms (Saguna Brahman), but this recognition and practice is forbidden in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam, and poses a serious issue when it comes to puja or worship (which is considered very bad idol worship by Abrahamics). According to the Ten Commandments: I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God.
Another example, Islam forbids marriage with a non-believer (in Allah). Non-believers are expected to convert to Islam by taking the Sahadah oath, the declaration that there is no God but Allah and Muhammad as his apostle. A similar practice also exists in some Christian sects where there is often intense pressure from family members and the clergy to perform a religious conversion of a Dharmist by Baptism before the church wedding. An uninformed Dharmist will only discover the often times unmentioned expectation of religious conversion after years of being in a romantic relationship. At this point, reluctantly accepting the religious conversion may be the only way of averting a marital grid-lock.
Religious conversion may be a matter of just a brief ceremony, but do not underestimate this ritual as a trivial matter. Taking this oath will set a tone for your life and your children’s lives. You will soon find out that the conversion was not just a matter of satisfying the sentimental obsession of the parents-in-law, but a binding commitment guarded by every member of the new community. As per the Sahadah oath, you will be forbidden to display an image of Lord Krishna, Lord Rama, or Lord Ganesh, or any other deity in your own home since associating partners with Allah is the greatest of all sins. Offering prayers or supplications to anyone, living or dead, is an unpardonable sin. Furthermore, attempting to later reclaim you as a Dharmist, even after talaak (divorce), could be seriously punishable by death or life imprisonment by some Middle Eastern countries’ laws. Therefore, one should be prepared to accept conversion to a new religion as a serious and irreversible process.
Most conflicts in inter-religious marriages will surface after you have children. For Abrahamics, it is vital that children from their marriage follow only the rules of their individual holy book. A Muslim spouse and the community may demand your kids have sunat (religious circumcision) and bear only an Arabic name. A Jewish person may not ask for a religious conversion for the spouse but may want Bris circumcision to declare the Jewish faith for the child. A Christian spouse may require Baptism of children and require them (and you too) to attend Church every Sunday, while you may wish to take your child to the Mandir or Balvihar. Another major consideration is about the expectation for family planning. I know of a case where an Ahmedabadi young woman already has five kids because her Catholic husband did not believe in birth control. Did she know and realize the consequences of her interfaith relationship while dating in college?
In the truest sense, marriage is a secular act and not a religious one. Unfortunately, some religious leaders and communities would like to use the wedding as a tool for their ambition of religious expansion. I learned of a case in Boston where without the Sahadah and Islamic wedding (nikaah), the wedding was denounced by a local Imam and most Muslim relatives did not attend the wedding reception party. In almost all cases of a Hindu-Muslim marriage in which both Muslim and Hindu ceremonies are performed, the religious conversion to Islam (Sahadah) is performed first. Then it is followed by the Muslim wedding ceremony (nikaah) and after that by the Hindu ceremony (Vivah).
Similarly, in many church weddings declaration of faith to Christianity is a mandatory requirement. Therefore, technically speaking, after conversion to Islam or Christian faith has been performed, the Hindu ceremony is a totally superfluous oxymoron because it is a Muslim to Muslim or Christian to Christian wedding performed by a Hindu priest! In such a wedding, do celebrating Hindus really know what why they are celebrating?
While investigating the possibility of a relationship with those from other religions, be sure to find out if there is going to be any pressure to convert for you and your future kids from not just your future life partner, but also from his or her family members and religious community. Not all Abrahamics impose their religious beliefs and practices on their spouse, but it is very important to find out the facts sooner than later. It is also important to note that despite all the potential marital pitfalls, a successful and fulfilling inter-religious marriage is possible, ideally, by not imposing ones respective religious beliefs on the other partner. A similar message has been given in Jodhaa Akbar, Gadar, and Namastey London movies. Bollywood star Hrithik Roshan and Suzanne Khan kept the religions out and got married by a civil wedding, and it is an admirable act. If someone you are dating cannot show you this same respect and expects you to forsake your own religion for marriage, even just in name sake, you must ask yourself if you are prepared to tolerate the intolerance being practiced against you.
Before entering into a relationship, one should have an open dialogue about religious expectations (especially the conversion business) and recognize the far-reaching consequences. Though dealing with this issue early on will obviously be important for the wellbeing of the couple, it is also a significant issue for their children, not to mention the couples extended families who take pride in preserving their religious and cultural traditions that have been passed down for generations and generations. Well-informed and well-thought out decisions for selecting a life mate will certainly bring long lasting happiness in a married life, even if it is an interfaith marriage. But most importantly is that we want to make sure we will have the freedom to follow our traditions and raise our children to do the same without threats to this liberty created by our spouse and his or her relatives.
PART II: Questions about Interfaith Marriages
As the world is getting smaller, people with diverse backgrounds are coming closer. Consequently, more and more young people are making friends and engaging in interfaith relationships leading to marriage, many times without realizing the complexities associated with their decision. These questions and answers are prepared with the objective of educating young people of ALL faiths to help them make more informed decisions before committing to marriage.
What is the main message here?
Interfaith relationships should be based on mutual respect for both faiths, and marriage should be solemnized without imposing religious conversion on a spouse. After marriage, both spouses faiths should get equal respect and consideration in home life and raising children.
Is religious conversion for marriage wrong?
Not if it is discussed early on in the relationship and agreed to by both parties, without coercion. Some conservative Islamic and Christian families still believe in the superiority of their faiths, thus forcing the spouse of any other faith to convert to their faith before an Islamic Nikaah or a church wedding can take place. Such expectations should be discussed upfront before getting deep into a relationship. To ask an intended spouse to give up his or her religion just before the wedding IS UNETHICAL. In such cases, the coerced spouse feels cheated at a time when they expected to experience some of the sweetest memories of their life. It harbors a doubt in their heart if a spouse deceptively practiced proselytism under the guise of love.
What is wrong if one converts to a new faith just for marriage, as far as allowed to practice his/her own faith after the marriage?
Be careful. Religious conversion is not a hollow ritual devoid of any meaning or consequences. Lets take a Christian-Muslim marriage as an example. As per the Sahadah oath to convert to Islam for Nikaah, you accept and declare that there is no God but Allah and Muhammad is his apostle. Further, you acknowledge that associating others (like Jesus) with Allah is the greatest of all sins. Similarly, baptism before a church wedding means conversion to Christianity and a commitment to repudiate former practices (of Islam) and to live with Christ forever. You must ask yourself what is your intention?
Do my children have to convert too?
This should be the MOST CRITICAL question in interfaith relationships, even if there was no conversion required for the marriage ceremony. Ask if your intended spouse expects your sons and daughters to have baptism, bris (for Jews) or sunat to declare their faith for life.
How is a decision to select a faith usually made?
In most cases, the decision for selection of the faith for the spouse and children is made to please the more rigid and intolerant spouse, or the more stubborn parents / community.
Are the above questions relevant to Hindus?
The Dharmic religions (Hindus, Jains, Sikhs, and Buddhists) are not normally accepted or tolerated by the Abrahamic People of the Book in a marriage. Hindus believe in one Supreme God, but they are free to worship the same God in many forms. However, this practice is forbidden in Christianity, Judaism, and Islam and poses a serious issue when it comes to â Puja or the worship of various Dharmic/Hindu forms of God. According to the Ten Commandments: I am the Lord your God. You shall have no other gods (e.g. Ganesh) before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the Lord your God am a jealous God punishing children for the inequity of parents, to the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. Can we teach our children both religions? It is difficult. Young kids get confused with mixed and often conflicting messages. For example, when you take them to a Hindu or Jain temple, you ask them to believe in, respect, and bow to several forms of God. But when you take them to a mosque or church, they hear just the opposite, exclusive, and intolerant messages. When confronted with such duplicity, children lose faith in any God or religion.
My spouse is open-minded and we could get around these religious expectations.
Remember, a marriage is not just the union of two individuals but, believe it not, a union of two families and two communities. It is ethical to be upfront and honest about your intentions with your new family rather than building life-long relationships on deception and lies.
I am not so religious; I don’t mind religious conversion for marriage to please my spouse.
Life is full of changes. In general, people tend to return to their roots as they age, especially when they have children. How will you feel if you find yourself irreversibly locked into unintended practices?
Conversion is only a formality, why not do it just to please my spouse and his/her family?
The religious conversion is not a one time deal; you are setting a new tone for your life. If you feed a shark, it will come back again for more food. Similarly, religious conversion for marriage will be followed by the expectation of a declaration of faith for your children via baptism, bris or sunat. Later, you may be forbidden to practice your own religion so children would not learn and follow it. Also, your spouse or his/her family may not like to be part of a religious activity while at your parent’s home. When your fantasy love period ends and it transforms into a routine married life, then these issues may become sore points in your life. My spouse did not know before but is asking now for conversion to please his/her parents. Do not be convinced by the old trick of playing innocent. Every one uses that. If after living with the same parents and community for most of their life, he or she should have known of their parents and communities expectations. If he/she had not, then you have the right to question his or her intelligence.
What is the true test that my intended spouse is not a religious fanatic?
Simple! Just ask for two promises, the second one being the more important: 1) No religious conversion for marriage; and 2) No baptism, bris or sunat for your children. But what if he or she does not agree? If someone you are dating lacks tolerance for what you believe in and expects you to forsake your own religion for marriage, even just in name sake, you must ask yourself if you are prepared to tolerate the intolerance that is being practiced against you.
Why do so many marriages end in divorce?
Some of the major reasons are miscalculated expectations and the resulting complaints that my spouse changed after the marriage. Before entering into an interfaith relationship, find out sooner than later, if he or she has true tolerance for what you are. Is a fulfilling relationship possible in an interfaith marriage? Yes, if the interfaith relationship is based on true mutual tolerance for religious diversity. But to find that is more difficult and challenging than most people think.
Additional References:
What Hindu youths go through while dating
(http://community.beliefnet.com/forums/showthread.php?t=21316)
What Bible says about inter-faith marriages
(http://www.religioustolerance.org/ifm_bibl.htm)
Islamic views on Marriage to Hindus, Buddhists, Jews and Christians
(http://www.zawaj.com/articles/interfaith_marriage_iv.html)
Interfaith divorce rates (http://www.religioustolerance.org/ifm_divo.htm)
Rutgers University research on marriage
(http://marriage.rutgers.edu/Publications/pubtenthingsyoungadults.htm)
Dr. Dilip Amin is a past president of Plymouth Balvihar and a medical research scientist.
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February 1st, 2009 19:08
Dr Dilip Amin is doing a great job. Its time Hindsu parents should start discussing this issue of marraige and start dialogue with friends whats happening and share experiences. Most Hinuds have no idea and its too late. Hindus being tolerant has no idea when marriage is involved with intolerent relgious beliefs persons. Its time when our children should be taught its good to love all and respect but make sure you are loving a person who is as tolerant about your releigionas you are.
February 1st, 2009 19:13
Mom Blogs - Blogs for Moms…
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February 2nd, 2009 03:08
[...] http://www.hinduyuva.orgUSA, February 1, 2009 (By Dr. Dilip Amin): [HPI note: Dr. Amin uses the word “Dharmic” [...]
February 2nd, 2009 14:02
Very wise to suggest that Hindus marry within their Faith. Interfaith marriages can, of course, cause confusio; speaking of which, how does a non-Hindu like Stephen Knapp pretend to speak about Hinduism? In fact (at least in the past), Mr. Knapp has been openly hostile towards the word “Hinduism.”
Swami Param
Classical Yoga Hindu Academy
February 2nd, 2009 14:04
confusion, that is, sorry for the “confusio.”
February 2nd, 2009 15:08
Yes, It is wise to suggest……….- but this is eyeopening to those who have not thought of all the possible problems after the fact.
Mr. Stephen is not pretending to speak about Hinduism?
This is the reason why we don’t have Hindu country. Last Hindu country(Nepal) is gone and eventutally it will be converted to ??. In China there are 10K per day gets converted according to Former Pres. Carter.(as he was bosting that it was possible because of his deeds to bring Bible to China)-Charlie Rose interview.
And we keep fighting about a word Hinduism and that is what we deserve.
February 2nd, 2009 16:21
Dear Swami Param,
Namaste. Where do you get this idea that I have been hostile toward the word “Hindu”? I have only been truthful about the background of the word, which anyone knows carries certain connotations. You can read what I have said about the word, and the background of it in my article, “About the Name Hindu” on my website at http://www.stephen-knapp.com. This will certainly give people food for thought about the name, much of which many people may not be familiar. Otherwise, for ease of conversation I still use the word Hindu to mean Sanatana-Dharma, which is a more accurate name for those who follow the Vedic tradition, who could also be called Dharmists, Sanatanis, or something similar, as Dr. Dilip Amin does in his article. Anyone can unite behind the name Dharma, or Vedic Dharma or even Hindu Dharma. And why do you say I’m pretending to speak for Hinduism? I have been a practitioner of the Vedic traditions and thoroughly studied it for many years, unless you are revealing your racist tendencies in that anyone not born an Indian cannot follow Vedic culture. This is another reason why India is losing its culture: because of those like you who seem to indicate that they do not want to share it with others. That is another factor for a perscription for a slow extinction of Vedic culture, just as the article above is pointing out.
Hari Om and Hari bol,
Stephen Knapp
February 2nd, 2009 22:56
An excellent article. Should be read by everyone.
February 3rd, 2009 02:30
Dear Dharmic Young Adults,
MOM BLOGS - BLOGS FOR MOMS… I assume this note above is from a young adult. Your point is well taken that there is a big disconnect between thinking of parents and young adults on the issue raised.
I wrote Part I and II above.
My one line message is: What love and marriage has to do with the religious conversion for marriage?
WHY Abrahamics expect Baptism, Bris or Sahadah/Sunat from a Hindu and children from the marriage?
AS I wrote above, Hrithik Roshan did an “an admirable act.” If Jodhaa bai had her Hindu pride and declined Sahadah 400 years ago, why can’t you do the same in this OBAMA’s tolerant America? Don’t assume it is easy!
NOW you may say I am exaggerating the issue. Not true for the following reasons:
1) Read one of the references above, “What Hindu youths go through while dating.” A Christian dumped D-Patel after a few years of dating because she is a Hindu!
2) Read next two references and also the Ten Commandments. There is no room for a polytheist Hindu in an Abrahamic (who believes in these scriptures) married life.
3) Go to any Catholic Church web site and read requirements for a marriage. A Hindu must give in writing that……….. I (a Hindu) recognize that my future spouse has promised to live out the Catholic Faith as a practicing member of the Catholic Church and raise our children in the Faith of the Catholic Church and I do not have opposition to this. Why this pre-Nuptial from a proud Hindu?
I could go on and on, but you got the point.
Bottom line, while dating discuss these issues upfront before it is too late, fair? Make an informed decision.
YOUNG ADULTS, I hope to learn from you. Please correct me on this blog where I am wrong. Sincerely, I thank you.
DilipAmin@yahoo.com
February 3rd, 2009 05:32
I think this is an excellent article.
February 3rd, 2009 05:50
Simply brilliant. I hope the younger generation uses some inteligence.
February 3rd, 2009 07:08
Dr Dilip Amin is doing a great job. No doubt about that. Very enriching for the younger generation. Hope the Hindus around the world use their brains in the this connection specially young dharmics in Mauritius who are engaging in interfaith relationships.
February 3rd, 2009 14:39
Dear Mr. Knapp,
Again, you are “obviously” not a Hindu and therefore cannot, in any way, speak for Hinduism. BTW, race has nothing to do with being a Hindu. Anyone is free to study any religion for as long as they like, however, this fact does not mean that one simply concludes one is member of a specific religion.
By your closing, it would seem you are part of a Hari Krishna mindset that does not fit in with the broader Hindu Dharma. Anyone is free to become a Hindu, and then one should exercise restraint in pushing their Sampradaya on other Hindus.
We need strong, dedicated Hindus to counter so much misinformation and prejudice directed towards Hinduism. Simply look at what has become of our sacred Hindu Yogas to say nothing of our sacred Sanskrit/Hindu terms such as: “Guru,” “Mantra,” “chakras,” “kundalini,” “Aum,” “Ayurveda” and, of course, “Swastika,” to name a few. All of these distortions are the result of Hindus being too tolerant, which is not a virtue.
February 3rd, 2009 19:43
Dear Swami Param,
Fortunately, you are in a minority for your viewpoint that I am not a Hindu. I have been living as a Hindu, a Dharmist, a follower of the Vedic tradition for many years. I have also worked with numerous organizations for the Vedic cause both in the USA and in India. That also seems to be on the increase. So how can you say in one sentence that I am obviously not a Hindu, and then say that anyone can be a Hindu? Then how can you say that people need to work together to correct all the misinformation that is troubling the Hindu community, yet argue about who can do so when I am asserting that Dr. Dilip Amin’s article is of prime importance, just as other misunderstandings are? That has nothing to do with someone’s sampradaya or whatever. Your petty arguments are nothing but a display, once again, of why there is such a lack of unity and cumulative cooperation amongst the Global Hindu community to solve their problems. We have better things to discuss than your minor objections. Which is why in some ways I feel I’m wasting my time with such narrow minded people as you. The work for the Vedic cause needs to move on, with you or without you, and with all like-minded people who share the vision of the benefits Vedic culture can give society, just as Dr. Dilip Amin and others are doing as we work together to solve these issues.
Hari Om,
Stephen Knapp (www.stephen-knapp.com)
February 4th, 2009 02:52
PARAM/KNAPP DISCUSSION
The main topic for this blog is interfaith marriages and how to educate our youths. This discussion is a big distraction from the main issue.
Swami Param-ji,
Please write me directly at dilipamin@yahoo.com and let three of us discuss in details but out of this blog.
Mr. Knapp,
I am proud of your excellent contributions to Dharmic causes. Please keep up good work, we need that.
February 4th, 2009 14:55
Dear Mr. Knapp (and Dilip Amin),
I would to love discuss these important issues with you however, since you allowed Mr. Knapp’s last post, it needs to be challenged. These are not trival matters and should be examined by all Hindus.
Anyone can become a Hindu, but this does not mean that everyone is a Hindu. Hindus do not have Christian names, for example. One may formally (Namakarana Samskara) and legally become a Hindu which means a full commitment. Those who do not make a such commitments cannot speak for Hinduism. This wisdom would apply to any religion.
As a matter of general observance, in the religious/spiritual areana, those who use their name.com are “obviously” in the business of self-promotion.
So’bhimano Yaya Nirvartante Sa Vidya
Again, the total distortions against Hinduism are a result of non-Hindus pretending to speak for Hinduism and very weak and complacent Hindus. These points are in perfect alignment with “What Young Dharmists Should Know.” If one cannot defend their own religion, what is the point?
If Mr. Knapp and others really love and want to serve Hindu Dharma, they should become full, comitted Hindus–anything less is complete disrespect (obvious from Mr. Knapp’s comments (and Dr. Amin’s compliance) towards a Hindu). And, again, though not a Hindu, Mr. Knapp attempts to put all Hindus under the Vaishnava umbrella.
February 4th, 2009 17:19
Stephen ji, Dilip ji, we need not even bother responding to Swami Param. he is just trying to spread discord amongst the Hindu community and distracting us from the topic at hand.
Great points in the article. But for those of us living outside India and not planning to move back there, isn’t it important for us to integrate ourselves in our new countries? Of course, we should not lose our culture in the process, but it seems that if we consciously avoid mixing with the mainstream community, we will become an isolated group.
February 5th, 2009 05:48
Dear Raj,
Namaste. You have made an excellent point. Yes, we do not want to become an isolated group, and while living outside India, or even inside for that matter, we will need to interact with people from all walks of life, especially in regard to business, education, certain social activities, or enterprises of sorts, etc. But when it comes to planning a family and marriage, we need to make sure that we can arrange the means to raise children so they are well-versed and educated and able to practice the samskaras of the Vedic tradition. This will not only help ourselves in our own spiritual development, but help keep the future generations of our family in the Hindu/Vedic fold for as long as possible. This is the main point, and this is especially effective when both parents are united in the same Dharmic tradition. Then the children can grow up focused and well grounded in their own culture. Many of my Indian Hindu friends interact with all kinds of people while in America, but go back to India to choose a qualified wife.
I hope that helps a little.
By the way, my initiated Vedic name is Sri Nandanandana dasa, however, many of my Indian Hindu friends simply call me Srinandanji. However, Westerners have a hard time pronouncing it.
All the best, Dharma Rakshati Rakshitah.
Sri Nandanandana dasa (Stephen Knapp)
February 5th, 2009 14:30
Mr. amin i acquiesce with u on this topic and i would like to add some more practical and relevant issues which are noteworthy for everybody who thinks himself as real follower of hindu dharm .i belong to special place which is muslim dominated and there muslims are treated on the basis of minority and all the privilages which hindus seek for are conferred upon them.not only this ,there are many more social ,economic issues which i don’t think are right to be discussed like that. the main thing which i want to say is that the hindus are still treated as slaves at their real birthplaces but the others who by wandering and creating havoc had snatched and destroyed our precious things which were the money-deposit of our rich cultural heritage . moreover the national flag ,anthem etc. doesn’t mean anything to them .how can we trust them. moreover our country had been very tolerant to these hypocrites and are least concerned about patriots.
February 5th, 2009 14:48
Aman’s comments serve to demonstrate the continued prejudice against Hinduism which, ironically, is often reinforced by many Hindus (note the comment by Raj). Hindus need to pull together and stand strong for the Dharma while respecting other religions. Those like Mr. Knapp who are “half Hindus” are no Hindus at all. Respectful Hindus also accept the various Sampradayas as part of the whole of Hindu Dharma. Attempting to put all Hindus under a Vaishnava, or Saiva or Shaktite umbrella is to practice dangerous sectarianism.
In promoting the wisdom of marrying within one’s religion, it should go without saying that the parties involved are fully dedicated to their religion. Many Hindus do not take their Dharma seriously because they see many Hindus who do not take their Dharma seriously.
February 5th, 2009 15:47
swami param ji could i request u to tell me about yourself because i think there is need of persons of your kind of who very much knows about the intricate mentality of others and are faithful to countary and dharm and benevolent to those who accepts reality.
February 5th, 2009 15:54
REALITY IS THAT HINDUS ARE ALWAYS BEING SUPPRESSED NOT ONLY OUTSIDE OF INDIA BUT IN OUR OWN COUNTRY .IT IS HIGH TIME TO GET TOGETHER AND FOLLOW THE REAL AND PRACTICAL WAY OF LIFE SHOWN BY HINDUISM. TOLERATE TO SOME LIMIT .
February 7th, 2009 14:38
Namaste Aman,
Thank you for your insights. Importantly, none of us (Hindus) should be in the business of promoting ourself. I am merely a Hindu who loves Hindu Dharma. Our website is classicalyoga.org
Please, fellow Hindus, let us work together to protect and preserve this great Hindu Dharma! As Hindus, we need to accept the responsibility for the distortions against Hinduism. Through the power of Love, speak up!
In Dharma,
Swami Param
classyoga@aol.com
February 10th, 2009 18:13
Having overview of previous comments, there are some observations, as to the “main topic” and “important issues” as Swamiji Param points out after seeing through the “smoke screen.” Sadly, respect is lacking by so called Hindus in a few prior comments. Is this the “love,acceptance,harmony,peace and happiness” expounded in Steven Knapp’s commercial web site bio. Where are the bios, pricey books, lecture fees, etc. in authors of scriptures and true teachers of religion? Swamiji Param points out the bottom line, in my opinion, that Hindus grab the two edged sword of tolerance and often self-inflict. We should be intolerant of those who, like SK are in the self promotion business, and listen attentively to those trying to pass along clear reasoning and judgement so we can protect Hinduism, avoid inter-faith marriages along with conversions and evolve along its religious/spiritual path.We can be tolerant of other faiths while not diluting ours for the wrong reasons. SK exemplifies these wrong reasons in promoting/justifying two distinctly different names, when he uses a delusional rationalization, “Hindu friends simply call me Srinandanji. However, Westerners have a hard time pronouncing it.” As SK is a self proclaimed Vedic spokesman, I ask, what else should we do for the sake of convenience, assimilation and most importantly in this case, to sell lots of books. That form of cowardice exposes Hindus to the unethical, non-Dharmic tolerance/assimilation. This gets to the Intermarriage issue. Hindus and psuedo Hindus are promoting and accepting this thinking. If I was a Hindu youth deciding to convert or to marry outside Hinduism, the answer could be a quick “yes”, as incorrect assimilation/tolerance is what my parents/elders/pseudo schollars are practicing. In SK web site, it begins with his Christian name that could not be any larger. So, to a questioning youth, how do we repond when he/she wants to convert along with a new Christian name? After reading much further in web site, we hear a Sanskrit name, adulations from his admirers, many pompous (embarrassing) book titles, etc…this is who Hindus seek advise on Hindu backbone? This is a major answer to the “issue” as to why Hindus easily inter-marry and easily convert. As to an earlier comment from SK to Swamiji…”Where do you get this idea that I have been hostile toward the word “Hindu”? I have first hand experience. Several years ago at the N.J.Dharma Summit, I approached SK at the “SK book arcade”, and asked him why he discouraged the word Hindu to the person next to me. His response was “hostile,” as he proceded to berate me for falsely using “Hindu” as he argued the word does not appear in any ancient texts, specifically the Vedas. Without giving me a moment to respond, he arrogantly walked away and loudly vented his anger and frustration of me to a friend near by. So much for calm Vedic/Hindu/Dharmic/Sanatana Dharm wisdom.
Om,
Yati Deva Sivam
February 15th, 2009 13:34
Reference: Yati Deva Sivam: Namaskaram Prannamm: You say the truth, yes.
A Sanatani dharmishtta, or dharma rakshati, is a natural flower born out of the seeds of its own ancestry, heritage, culture, traditions, family values, self-respect and above all, INTEGRITY of the spirit of life. It is of the same avenues, most of our more poor Brahmins; Rishis; Seers, and Learned Shastris of Bharati India, are betrayed and abandoned for the sake of the selfish purpose and selfish intentions by the likes of “S.K.”, “Frawley”, and many more who come, exploit our cultural roots, take away from our poor Brahmin Gurus, the Shiksha pretending to utilise Vedic Wisdom in the west,with a divine intention. However, there is very little or NO “protection” of our true heritage by our Hindu;s. For example, in the Parsi culture, one cannot become a parsi, by mere convert. These converts, as depicted by Priest Peter on his BBC program are strongly condemned in the name of true religion - the dharma of HUMANITY. Priest Peter himself has journeyed across the universe, embraced by so many holy and sacred souls and shows us a diversity of world filled with more than 200 faiths. However, he firmly and so beautifully demonstrates that a Christian cannot become a Hindu merely because one converts and changes one’s name. One’s name has very little if any, to do with altruism of DHARMA [RIGHTEOUSNESS] and SATT-KARMA [GOOD DEEDS]. Usually, and it has been proven fact, that the personalities of such persons who take away what is not rightfully theirs for enriching their selfish ego, end in their last stage in severe pain. What use is it to have long painful death? In Karmic theory: Buddhists and Hindus born out of the seed of KARMA, believe to remain in shelter of the divine love, divine grace, divine light, and divine wisdom of the Vedas and regard the Mother as the first and foremost Guru. Our parents and our traditional family cultural ancestry cannot be abandoned in light of new avenue in new religious faith to become famous! We owe one third of our all to the spiritual world, towards whom buddhists, Sikhs, Jains, and Hindus alike pay respect and for whom we offer prayers, obeisances and rites and rituals.
So, how can one claim to be a Hindu, when one has abandoned one’s own kind?
Conclusively: We are merging to a point in time, whereby we are all getting better awareness of the “system”.
“Time and tide, awaits no one…” Our own shortfalls bring us into the present that we are in and if we keep doing NOTHING about the wrongfulness, then our life as life of TRUE SANATANI DHARMIST shall also wither away with the elapsing time………We are therefore, nothing more than decaying and dissolving personalities…….Eventually, we all merge together in destiny in death when death comes uninvited to us all…..However, what matters according to our Mother Gita: It is the ending of the mortal life that is the begining or the end of light or darkness. THAT IS WHY WE ALWAYS PRAY according to Vedas:
-Om Sarvesham Svastir Bhavatu Sarvesham Shantir Bhavatu Sharvesham Purnam Bhavatu Sarvesham Mangalam Bhavatu
Om-may be auspiciousness be unto all; may peace be unto all; may fullness be unto all; may prosperity be unto all;;; SWASTI is the basis of life.
Sarve Bhavantu Sukhinah; Sarve Santu Niramayaah; Sarve Bhadrani Paysantu
Ma-Kaschid-Dukha-Bhag-Bhavet
Om-may all be happy
May all be free from disabilities
May all look to the good of others
May none suffer from sorrow
Lokha samasta, suckhino bhavantu.
2.Asato Ma Sat Gamaya
Tamaso Ma Jyotir Gamaya
Mrityor Maamritam Gamaya
Om-Let us be led from the unreal to the Real
From darkness to the Light
From mortality to Eternity
3.Om Purnamadah Purnamidam
Purnat Purnamudachyate
Purnasya Purnamadaya
Purnameva Vashsihate
Om-That is whole. This is whole
From the whole the whole becomes manifest.
From the whole when the whole is negated
What remains is again the whole.
4.Om Shantih Shantih Shantih
Om Peace Peace Peace
5. Om mane padme hum
6.Om bhur bhuvas suvaha
Tat savitur vareynyam
Bhargo divasya dhimahi
Diyoyonah prochodayaat
Rig Veda 10:12:3
Om: The primeval sound
Bhur: the physical world
Bhuvah: the mental world
Suvah: the celestial, spiritual world
Thath: That; God; transcendental Paramatma
Savithur: the Sun, Creator, Preserver
Varenyam: most adorable, enchanting
Bhargo: luster, effulgence
Devasya: resplendent, supreme Lord
Dheemahi: we meditate upon
Dhiyo: the intellect,understanding
Yo: May this light
Nah: our
Prachodayath: enlighten,guide,inspire
“From darkness of ignorance, dreary mundane selfishness, and the darkness of materialism, Oh Divine God, grant us thine grace so that we may transpire and evolve towards the light of true wisdom of our soul, so that we may remove the “I” and become subtle servants of HUMANITY”>……
“From
February 15th, 2009 13:39
Also:
Why have the westerners not conquered “SIKHISM”, AND if one ponders very closes, one may ask similar question: Why is “JAINISM” not conquered by the west……..
HERE, THE ANSWER LAY in the fact that the GURU deities of these religious faiths of India DO NOT ALLOW a non-sikh, or a non-jain in specific a Christian born westerner to convert into their religions just like that!
February 15th, 2009 16:56
Dear Dr. Amin:
Q: Under what authetic protocol or position are you speaking about what is right and wrong about inter-faith marriages?
Q: Why do you incorporate “SK” as an authority for Vedic Sanatana Dharma practice internationally? Is he firstly a Brahmin priest? A born Hindu? A learned Hindu? who is “SK”????????????????????????????????????????? In what capacity does “SK” have the right to excercise his so called better judgement about the crux of inter-faith marriages?????????????????????????????????
Q: Really who created these divisions of national and race bound boundaries?
Q: Where love is so divine, pure, compassionate, considerate, and above all, humane, that love does NOT need the blessings of man made faiths or its tenebrous boundaries of influx infrastructres. The Vedic Sanatana Dharma is really about removing in total these false boundaries and false notions and false claims even…….
Q: Many inter-faith marriages are based on LOVE. It is better that one man and another woman love one another innately than to marry a total alien stranger of whom the woman has no idea whatsoever………….
Gentlemen: It is NOT about your MANHOOD, or MAN EGO, or MAN position. This issue is an issue of WOMANHOOD.
To understand womanhood, you have to truly become one. To understand divine beauty of dharma, you truly have to become a dharmist without the confines of all this, that and the other………………
What “Dr.DILIP” thinks is his problem, his view, and his prerrogative presumption based on his own assumptions……….
What “SK” claims is based on his own mythological and superflous ownership of our Bharati Vidyarthis Vedic dharma towards which many foreign invaders have caused much grief and hurt to the NOBLE people of BHARATI INDIA both in INDIA and ALL OVER THE WORLD.
The fact the President Barrack Obama has become the Great 44th President of the U.S.A. is no coincidence….It is based upon the LAWS OF KARMA.
What goes around therefore comes around. One reaps only that results that one truly diligently sows. One must therefore be truthfully honest and sincere at least to one’s own spirit of life otherwise, one is a blatant hypocrite to one’s own……and one’s own kind therefore……..Integrity and self respect comes from nurturing DIVINITY AND HUMANITY and this truly and really entail that let the rose be a rose and a carnation be a carnation….Please do not try to make rose a carnation.
Anyone who goes against the law of GOD [nature] is in my opinion “FALSE”.
Truth triumphs in the end…….ALWAYS.
TO ALL THOSE FALSE PROPHETS : STOP THIS DEBATE!
IT IS NON-NEGOTIABLE, NON-ARGUABLE, NON-PROLIFIC.
March 2nd, 2009 17:17
Namaste Mrs. H.J.P.
Appologies if I was not clear…I believe in the right of anyone to convert or adopt into a religion when properly done after understanding/evaluating, but not out of a weak exposure to their orig. religion or negative outside influences. That was a point of past comments concerning confused Hindus along with psuedo Hindus who assist the “downword” path of Hindus converting and/or weakly assimilating. An arguement on the “Seed” analogy- as our basic tenet is Tat Tvam Asi(thou art that)…then we all are ultimately from same (soul) source. Also,coincides with practical/common sense - initial religious rights are performed on infants and 12/13 year olds who are not so resposible for these commitments, so an adult should be able to convert/adopt. We see that standard of accountablity play out in Law, Military Draft. etc.
Om,
Yati
March 5th, 2009 01:45
Dear TP and Raj,
I wrote Part I & II above with one objective……minimize “UN-INTENDED RELIGIOUS CONVERSIONS” of our young adults in interfaith marriages by providing them information. Our young adults are smart and they could make an informed decision that is right for their individual situation.
.
I have no authority on this field; I am just a scientist. I have two young adult kids at marriage age. I have also about 50+ Balvihar kids, now young adults, and I care for them. I want to help them to make an informed decision.
.
Interfaith marriages are here to stay, let’s learn to get best out of it. 38% of our youths are already marrying to Abrahamics in America (http://www.prlog.org/10139529). That means, statistically speaking, I have about 70% probability that one of my two children will marry a Christian, Jew or Muslim. I hope, by now, my kids have enough self pride to decline a request for Baptism, Bris, Sahadah/Sunat.
.
I agree with TP (#27 above) that ”…love does NOT need the blessings of man made faiths or its tenebrous boundaries of influx infrastructures.” As I wrote in Part I and comment #9 above, what Rhithik Roshan did (love is a priority, not the love of proselytism) is “an admirable act.” In Obama’s tolerant America, today you will not find one Imam who will perform Islamic wedding - Nikaah - without conversion to Islam - Sahadah - or you will not find one Catholic Church to perform wedding involving a Hindu without a pre-Nuptial (http://www.diocs.org/CPC/Tribunal/MA_MB_MC_English.pdf ; http://www.catholicmarriagepreponline.com/faqs.htm). Many Dharmic male and female youths still go through these weddings and accept Sahadah/Baptism just to avert a marital grid lock; not because they think Islam/Christianity is a better religion than Hinduism. Our youths should be warned of these rigid “infrastructures” and taught “does NOT need the blessings of man made faiths.” Let carnation be carnation, don’t convert it to rose!
.
Raj (#17 above), we could always mix (like tomato in salad) with mainstream community without loosing our identity (like celery in V8). Submitting to a request of Baptism, Bris, Sahadah/Sunat is not only way to blend.
.
My heart cries when I see an un-intended religious conversion of a Dharmic for marriage, unfortunately I see it often. I feel I have failed as a President of Balvihar for not teaching our youths about interfaith complexities; now I am trying to catch-up by writing.
.
IF LOVE IS TRUE, HONEST AND EQUAL on both sides, how one would justify un-intended Baptism, Bris, Sahadah/Sunat of a Dharmic?
March 29th, 2009 22:50
After publishing my book AM I A HINDU? [www.amiahindu.com] I get many e-mails asking advice about “interfaith marriages.” I have replied to all to look at this subject in a very rational, logical, pragmatic way.
Most of the times, Hindus are literally TOUGE-TIED to discuss the subject for the fear of somebody accusing them for not being tolerant.
LET US LOOK AT FACTS.
1……Lately, many [including few of my Christian friend’s children] are very keen on marrying Hindus, since Hindu children are brought up in a very loving, compassionate cultural household. I fully understand and respect why others want to marry Hindus, since they are lost in the charm of Hindu culture.
2……Unluckily, since Hinduism is a CULTURE or “Way of life” and not an organized religion like Islam or Christianity, most of the times, after marriage, Hinduism is totally eclipsed from interfaith marriages.
3……When a Hindu boy or girl marries either a Muslim or a Christian, they become [ many times forced to become ] a Muslim or a Christian after the wedding. If that does not happen, the children are not exposed to anything connected to Hindu scriptures at all.
4….. Sadly, the word HINDU or HINDUISM does not exist in that union at all after wedding.
5……Conversion of others to Islam or Christianity is the backbone of both religions.
6……Adherents to BOTH THOSE RELIGIONS believe it is their duty to convert others to their respective faiths and those who do not follow either Islam or Christianity will finally end up in hell, whereas Hindus believe, “ Anyone who searches after truth will finally attain truth, irrespective of one is Hindu or not.” Hinduism is universal and it does not profess monopoly on TRUTH or GOD or SALVATION.
7………Hindus do not even discuss their culture/religion and much less even asking others to join them in prayers. Conversion to Hinduism, since Hinduism is a CULTURE is never heard of for thousands of years until now.
8…….SO THESE ARE THE SAD BUT NAKED FACTS.
9——-Until and unless, we can find a way for Hindus to keep their identity after an interracial wedding, the whole idea of supporting “interfaith marriages” does not make any sense at all.
April 6th, 2009 18:35
Dear “Best Seller”
A beginning to this problem is rooted in the false idea that Hinduism is only a ‘CULTURE or “Way of life” ‘. Hinduism IS a religion, please show facts to the contrary. That inaccurate thinking/teaching, will/has surely loose young and old Hindus alike.We are “organized” in the body of a religion spanning thouands of years,with the common goal to link/yuj Atmana with Brahman. Perhaps no Vatican, and we have sects with variations but that does not dilute Hinduism or make it a non-religion…probably, in my opinion, allowed it to mature further than many other religions. Another falacy is “Hinduism is universal,” that’s as closed minded/dangerous as fundalmentalism. All religions share many common beliefs, but do not confuse specifics with generalities. Also, adding to confusion, for Hindus is there is no “God” ( monotheistic term for male creator)in Hinduism. We need to respect Hinduism (and all religions) but not try to or allow our beliefs to fit others.
April 22nd, 2009 13:37
As I read the above info by Mr.Amin, i begin to wonder… where are we?
I have not much patience to read any of the comments, but would like to just add my own comments:
I left India at tender age of 9 and am 45 yrs. old now living in US! I speak my own mother tongue, cook all the food am married to an Indian and mingle mainly wthin my community… but i am an exception!! I am still a part of this culture no matter what and there is some liking and comfort in this American/western culture as this is where i have grown up. I can & do mix in with the people here! I am only penning below my opinion with limited knowledge of all Indian religions!
First of all, whren you leave your motherland for a foreign land, always know & accept that nothing wil be as you have known it! Now, how much will you hold on to and follow depends on many circumstances.. regardless of your wishes, it is difficult to stay and glued to your religion and culture as you have lnown it and as you wish it.
Now, how much will you force onto your children? There will be much confusion as you teach and implement your own things into your children, once they leave home to go play or go to school, they see things differently, hence the confusion. There is nothing wrong with this teaching, but if you force your children into your own cocoon of culture,people, religion… then remember this, you are creating a Ghetto!! Then our own people will become like the Negros, Hispanics and other such communities who live and mingle only with their own kind and whose thinking is limited to the small, narrow minded thing which limits growth!!
If there is an immense need to cling to your own religion & culture so much so that you restrict your children from mingling with people of other faiths, then better you stay in your motherland or go back!!
As for this whole conversion of religion matter…. it is strictly an individual matter… meaning the person converting and their families! It is nor for us to decide or tell. It is difficult for us to accept because there is no conversion in our Hindu religions! Just as you never knew what would be the future in another country or how your children will turn out, neither will a person know what the future will be like when they decide to convert! You just have to take your chances. In te early days when people migrated, their families had no idea about where their people were migrating to! Today’s parents have an advantage as they live in this western clture and have the ability to research and know and learn about other cultures and religions!
No doubt that as parents, one will be concerned… but do you think your parents knew when you migrated that they will not see their own children or grandchildren very often? Do you think they anticipated that they may not connect or perhaps not even be able to communicate with their own grand children? They never knew or expected that they will have such vast differences of language, food, culture and thniking between themselves and their grandchildre, sometimes even with their own children! They had to accept their children’s decisions to move abroad… such is the reality of accepting interfaith marriages. I do not promote anti-culture or anti-religion, only that we have to learn to tolerate certain things as we are living in this country, away from motherland.
Lastly, remember.. children may be ready to convert out of “love” for their potential spouse, but they are more ready because they do not have as strong a base for their own culture, language or religion as you have. They arethe product of mult-cultures and do not and will not think so far ahead!! Also, they do not have a strong religious base and do not have a need to preserve or pass it on… they are strangers to it in most cases. Their only concern is to live their life their own way, bring children into this world and let the children be a part of mainstream western culture; part olf the the “in”, “hip” and “trendy” things.
They do not find solace, hope or peace & comfort in prayers; they do not have concept or belief in “karma” or afterlife. They have no room or need for religion in their lives so it is easier for them to accept and even convert into other religions! They cannot think or see the need to have any religious knowledge and especially rituals into their own or their childrens’ lives!! Such is the reality… the more we maturely accept and understand it, the more at peace life will be, especially in the last years of life! Remember, your parents have gone thru this.. seeing you & your family only when you had time to go back home, or when you brought them here! Always on your terms… now you have to live the same way, even though you are in the same country as your children and sometimes even a close, drivable distance from you children!
Such is the circle of LIFE!!
(by the way, what you teach your children about your religion is but 20-25% of all things they need to be taught and made to understand. Often, parents become to adament about religion & rituals, that they forget to teach children other things and then children rebel or avoid or become distant! It is important to give children a base of culture & religion, but more important to teach them to learn other things in life like tolerance, honesty, respect for others, not to be cruel, mean, abusive or greedy… amongst other things!)
June 16th, 2009 01:11
Thank you for publishing this article by Dr Amin. I am glad that I searched for it and found it. I was considering a marriage with a Catholic, and the response I got from my family was “It’s wrong” and “Your father will never survive this shock” and “Think of your family” and “You are destroying your Hindutva” which were all very angry statements, that needless to say I did not react to very well. But Dr Amin’s article lays out the principles behind the conversion & baptism of children, and how it would be difficult for a Hindu who thinks it is alright to marry out of the faith because of the open and tolerant nature of Hindutva, to accept the boundaries which these religions impose upon him/her after marriage. Thank you for laying it out in such a balanced and simple way. It was good to read some words of advice without the emotional dramatics that accompany such discussions in my family.
November 1st, 2009 08:42
an excellent article by dr amin. wish i had read it (annd had my daughter and her intended read it) before we committed ouselves. It may not have changed their decision, but we all would have taken a more balanced, calm and informed view of the disadvantages of mixed marriages.
November 14th, 2009 08:48
Raj, Radha, and all above bloggers,
Glad you found this article useful. For Dharmics, information on how to deal with Abrahamics in relationships is lacking. Hindu parents don’t know how to handle issues at home when their son or daughter proposes a love relationships with Abrahamics. Hindu youths are unaware of religious conversion practices of Christians and Muslims for marriage and they end up accepting an “unintended” religious conversion for marriage. Further, when it comes to raising children, for Abrahamics it is almost must to have their child BBS (Religious labeling as Baptism, Bris or Sunat).
NOW all above information is nicely laid down on A NEW WEB SITE with many videos, articles and blogs. Please visit and blog there today. E-mail to all your friends about this new web site and help all Dharmic young adults make an “informed” decision for their married life:
http://www.InterfaithShaadi.org
http://www.InterFaithShaadi.org
http://www.InterfaithshAAdi.org